


let me be the man who loves you

by Hiirah



Series: because I love you [5]
Category: Big Bang (Band), 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 12:55:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5968078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiirah/pseuds/Hiirah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jiyong broke them up but with the intention of coming back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let me be the man who loves you

**_*_ **

**_She once said she loves me, but now only hurt remains_ **   
**_I was too foolish_ **   
**_Losing you made me realise_ **   
**_What they call loneliness_ **

****

She once said she loves me, but because of my stupidity, now only hurt remains.

 

“I love you Ji.” 

 

You stood there with tears running down your face. Your face showing a look of regret and sadness. I just wanted to hug you and kiss you better but I lost that privilege the moment I let you go.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m not good enough for you Yoona.” Was all I could say because it’s the truth. Can you hear the sincerity in my voice? 

 

You looked at me with your troubled eyes, trying to find any emotion in me that would make you stay. I was never good with words, but I hope you believe me this time when I say that I’m truly sorry. 

 

With a firm nod, you moved away from me and made your way to the front door. And without a single glance back you turned the knob and walked out of my life.

 

Looking back, I realised I was too foolish. How could I have the heart of breaking you like that? I was too caught up with myself that I've hurt you deeply. I didn't realise that I was hurting you at that time. I didn't realise that by leaving you I would break you so badly. I thought you were the stronger one out of us two and I didn't realise how fragile you could be sometimes.

 

But losing you made me realise what most people call as loneliness. 

 

_***** _   
_**I miss you baby** _   
_**I need you baby** _   
_**I want you to now I still do** _   
_**I’ve never left** _   
_**I will only love you like this forever** _

  
I roll off the couch and glanced at my phone for the 100th time, itching to call you for the past one week. I know I shouldn’t call you since I was the once that initiated the break-up, but I miss you baby. 

 

Since you’ve been gone, there’s a hole in my aching heart. I thought I could endure this and move on from you, I thought I was stronger than this, but the truth is I need you baby. I need you so much, I want you to know I still do and forever will. 

 

I hope you know that I had to do what I did. Our break-up; it was the best for us. I need to fix myself, need to be a better man for you before you accept me. But you were stubborn, you still accepted me whole heartedly with your love full of passion and emotion. 

 

I couldn’t take it. It was too much for me who doesn’t deserve you, doesn’t deserve the amazing woman that you are. I hope that every night, before you go to sleep, you’ll realize that I’ve never left. I’m still here. I will always be here.

 

I will only love you like this forever. 

 

**_*_ **   
**_Do you still think of me?_ **   
**_Do u still feel for me?_ **   
**_Or has everything ended actually?_ **   
**_Are our hearts still together?_ **   
**_Am I still in your heart?_ **

  
Most of the times when I couldn’t fall asleep at 3 AM I would always think of you. And I wonder, do you still think of me? 

 

I would toss and turn on the bed remembering the beautiful you. Do you still feel for me? Because I still do, as passionately as before. Or has everything ended actually and I’m still being delusional that one day you would accept me and give me your heart again. 

 

I know that I’ve broken your heart. The night you left I could almost hear the cracking of your heart breaking, but you held it in. In this dark night similar to _that_ night, are you hearts still together? Did you take your heart with you and locked it up, or did you left it with me, waiting for me to fix it? 

 

Am I still in your heart? 

 

**_*  
Why, why did it end this way?_ **

  
When I’m out partying with the guys, I tend to drink a bit too much because nothing beats the numbness of the alcohol. With the alcohol in my system, I wouldn’t have to think about you. I could run away from the hurt for a while, just letting my body loose. But every night I keep running back to you.

 

Why did it end this way? I’m hitting myself for being so stupid, for letting you go just like that. I shouldn’t have left things like how it is, I should have explained better to make you understand that I’m not leaving you, I’m just leaving myself behind. I’m shedding away the troubled me so that I’ll become the man that you’re proud, that I’m proud of. But I was never good with words and because of that I had left things broken.

 

_***** _   
_**I’ve never thought of the day I’ll leave** _   
_**Leave for somewhere far from you** _   
_**I miss u baby** _   
_**I need you baby** _   
_**Want you to know I still** _   
_**Miss you** _

  
On some days when I’m recovering much better, I’ll think back about us. Before this,however broken I was, I’ve never thought of the day I’ll leave you. I just kept on loving you, because you’re the one that can fix me. But several months went by and you were just too amazing for me. I don’t deserve you (and I’d get a hit from you whenever I say that) but the truth was always in front of me. You’re too perfect and I’m too broken. That was the day I decided I want to become better for you, to fix myself so that I’ll be the man you’re proud of. 

 

I miss you baby. I really do. I’m trying harder for you and for us. I just hope that you know I’ll always need you. I don’t want our separation to break you down and doubt the love we’ve had. This is just temporary, but our love is forever. 

 

Even if I’m somewhere far from you, I want you to know that I still miss you. Just hold on a bit more.

  
**_*  
Please come back to me  
I’ll wait no matter how long it takes_**  
 ** _I’ll be waiting for you here_**  
 **** _I won’t leave_

  
Sometimes when I’m lying down on our bed with light in my eyes and hope in my heart, I would hope that once I’m done with my recovery, once I’ve become better, please come back to me. Please give the new me a chance to make things right. I know I’ve left things broken, left you broken, but please take me back. 

 

I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes. Give it an eternity I’ll still be waiting for you because you’re the one for me. I can’t imagine giving my heart to someone else and I hope you won’t either. I’ll be waiting for you here, at our favourite place, just above the horizon. 

 

I won’t leave this time. So please come back to me.

 

 _ *****_  
 **Let’s return to how our** **love** **used to be  
Never to hurt you again  
Let me be the man by your side.**

  
Let’s return to how our love used to be; free, passionate and too deep in love. We were falling too deeply, but the thought doesn’t scare us because at the end of the day the feeling was mutual. 

 

When the emotions too strong and the feeling of missing you hits me like a tornado I feel like giving up. I can’t continue this. I want to never hurt you again. But I try harder to fix myself, for you, and for myself. And when the doctor tells me I’m doing much better, I smile knowing that I’m doing the right thing.

      
After all this ends, let me be the man by your side, let me be the man who loves you again.


End file.
